I asked for a joke in the delivery instructions on my order from Dominos. The driver 'delivered', and this is what I got: (opened in order of appearance)

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My brother bought a new mattress, when it arrived we couldn't believe how much he resembled the guy on the brochure

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I work in retail. My coworker dropped this gem on me after a "No employee wants to be a Squidward" rant our boss went on.

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